Life Coaching Humor

Calming The Calamities

QUICK TIPS FOR “CALMING THE CALAMITIES”

1. ONLY EXPERIENCE STRESS ONCE!

Anticipatory anxiety is typically worse and lasts longer than the actual stress event.  Wait until the actual event occurs in order to stress out.

1. BREATHE!

Deep abdominal breathing carries oxygen to the brain, signaling the release of the calming chemicals that your body needs.  Imagine a balloon in your belly the color of calm and relaxation – expand the balloon for 5 seconds through your nose, then exhale for 5 seconds through your mouth for a total of 6 breaths per minute.  It’s amazing how relaxed the body can become in just 6-10 minutes!

1. TAKE CONTROL & OVERRIDE YOUR BRAIN!

Anxiety & relaxation cannot physiologically exist in your body at the same time.  Anxiety starts in your brain, with your thoughts.  Upon first noticing the anxiety thoughts, begin to place your body in a physical state of relaxation.

1. CREATE OUTLETS!

Anxiety and stress needs a physical outlet.  Know what your body needs – a brisk walk, screaming into a pillow, 5 minutes to “regroup” by deep breathing or do cross crawls followed by a “hook-up.”

1. HAVE MUSIC HANDY!

Music does calm the savage beast, especially when it’s you!  Play a tape or CD with ocean sounds, classical music, uplifting Christian songs or a guided imagery meditation – whatever works for you.

1. A MUST SEE!

Puff the Magic Dragon, children’s video (Great for adults, too!)


Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
resent your requests to God.  
Philippians 4:6
                    

Created by Christine Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW
                         Office number 317-865-1674

Blues Busters

QUICK TIPS FOR “BEATING THE BLUES”

1. CREATE SUPPORT!

Depression feeds on social & emotional isolation. Create support by joining a therapy group, CRHP, MOMS group, bible study, etc. Develop
a network of supportive people who can empathize and hold you accountable to make positive changes in your life.

1. HALT!

Don’t allow yourself to become too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Take care of your basic needs first – only then can you attend to others’ needs.

1. IT IS OKAY TO SAY “NO!”

Good emotional health requires a strong sense of boundaries. Know your limits and enforce them.

1. BECOME INTERDEPENDENT!

As a woman, lots of people depend on you. If you respond to everyone else’s needs at the expense of your own, resentment may set in. Learn how to identify your needs and practice asking for help. Also remember, when help is offered, accept it!

1. GET MOVING!

When you are depressed, the last thing you want to do is to move, but it is the very thing your body needs. Physical activity of any kind has fantastic benefits by releasing chemicals in the brain which boost your energy level.

1. A MUST READ!

How to Heal Depression
by Harold Bloomfield & Peter McWilliams


Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy; and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30


Created by Christine Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW
Office number 317-865-1674

Life Coach Alexander The Great

When Alexander the Great visited Diogenes and asked whether he could do anything for the famed teacher, Diogenes replied: 'Only stand out of my light.' Perhaps some day we shall know how to heighten creativity. Until then, one of the best things we can do for creative men and women is to stand out of their light.


John W. Gardner

New Guidelines For OCD Treatment

New guidelines set to improve identification, diagnosis and treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder in children and adults, UK
The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) and the National Collaborating Centre for Mental Health have today (23 November) launched a clinical guideline on the identification, treatment and management of obsessive-compulsive disorder and body dysmorphic disorder in children and adults. Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is characterised by the presence of obsessions (unwanted intrusive thoughts, images or urges, which repeatedly enter the person's mind) and/or compulsions (unwanted, unnecessary behaviours such as repeated washing or cleaning, checking electrical appliances or locks, etc). It can occur in people of all ages, and commonly starts in childhood or adolescence. Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is characterised by a distressing preoccupation with an imagined defect in one's appearance or, in the case of a slight physical anomaly, the person's concern is markedly excessive. The most common preoccupations concern the skin, hair, nose, eyes, eyelids, mouth, lips, jaw, and chin. The guideline recommends that: • Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) including exposure and response prevention (ERP) should be offered as first line therapy for children, young people and adults with mild to moderate OCD • Drug treatments (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs)) should be offered as an alternative to CBT (including ERP) for patients with more severe OCD or who decline, or do not respond to, psychological treatments • Adults with BDD should be offered the choice of either a course of an SSRI or CBT (including ERP) that addresses key features of BDD. Andrew Dillon, Chief Executive of NICE and Executive Lead for this guideline says: “OCD is very common. Some studies suggest it is the fourth most common mental disorder after depression, alcohol and substance abuse, and social phobia with a lifetime prevalence of about 1-2%. The condition often goes unrecognised and untreated and we hope the guideline will help raise awareness of this distressing condition which in most cases can be effectively treated.” Dr Tim Kendall, Joint Director of the National Collaborating Centre for Mental Health who developed the guideline on behalf of NICE says: “This is the seventh mental health guideline where we have recommended psychological treatments as key treatments for a mental health condition, and the fourth where we have recommended them as the first line treatment. We know that there are currently not enough people to deliver psychological therapies. Now is the time to increase our capacity and provide real help for those people that need it.” Professor Mark Freeston, Chair Guideline Development Group and Professor of Clinical Psychology, University of Newcastle upon Tyne says: “The World Health Organisation rank OCD in the top 10 of the most disabling illnesses by lost income and decreased quality of life. Despite this we know many people with OCD don't come forward for treatment for many years, often because of the stigma attached to the condition. Because people may not spontaneously talk about their difficulties, health professionals need to be better at asking the right questions and offering the right treatments. Accurate and early diagnosis, as well as effective treatment, can make a real difference.” Dr Isobel Heyman, Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist, Maudsley and Great Ormond Street Hospitals, London says “About 1% of children and young people suffer from OCD. If OCD is left undetected and untreated it can cause marked psychological distress, and also disrupt social, educational and emotional development, leading to significant disability. This guideline should help raise awareness amongst the parents and carers of young people of the signs to look out for to ensure young people with OCD receive access to the treatments they need.” Ms Gillian Knight, representative of people with OCD on the Guideline Development Group says: ”OCD hijacks peoples lives and has a serious impact on quality of life. Yet effective treatments do exist which can transform lives and bring people back into society. Raising awareness of OCD and de-stigmatising the condition is vital if people are to be persuaded to seek help. The NICE guideline gives new found hope to the many thousands of people with OCD who no longer need to suffer in silence.” Piers Watson, Chairman of OCD Action says “I am delighted that these guidelines recognise the need for informed diagnosis and targeted treatment for OCD and BDD. They also make it clear that OCD and BDD can be addressed with great success. These guidelines, however, are only a first step in making appropriate treatment available to all sufferers. How quickly can the yawning gap be bridged, that presently exists between the many sufferers and the few available healthcare practitioners specifically trained to treat these illnesses? This is now the challenge.” Ashley Fulwood, Chief Executive of OCD-UK says “OCD-UK are delighted that the new NICE guidelines for OCD have been released and hope they will lead to more consistent treatment for this often disabling condition. We are also pleased that the guidelines recommend psychological treatments such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) as the first line of treatment for OCD. The NICE guidelines are undoubtedly a step in the right direction and we hope they will also lead to accurate and earlier diagnosis of OCD, which on average is only diagnosed some 7 to 12 years after its onset.” About NICE1. On 1 April 2005 the National Institute for Clinical Excellence took on the functions of the Health Development Agency to form the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE). NICE is the independent organisation responsible for providing national guidance on the promotion of good health and the prevention and treatment of ill health. 2. NICE produces guidance in three areas of health: • public health - guidance on the promotion of good health and the prevention of ill health for those working in the NHS, local authorities and the wider public and voluntary sector • health technologies - guidance on the use of new and existing medicines, treatments and procedures within the NHS • clinical practice - guidance on the appropriate treatment and care of people with specific diseases and conditions within the NHS.

Passionate Lovers Doomed?

Molecule gives passionate lovers just one year
Tue Nov 29, 1:40 PM ET  (Reuters News Service - Rome)


Your heartbeat accelerates, you have butterflies in the stomach, you feel euphoric and a bit silly. It's all part of falling passionately in love -- and scientists now tell us the feeling won't last more than a year.

The powerful emotions that bowl over new lovers are triggered by a molecule known as nerve growth factor (NGF), according to Pavia University researchers.
The Italian scientists found far higher levels of NGF in the blood of 58 people who had recently fallen madly in love than in that of a group of singles and people in long-term relationships.

But after a year with the same lover, the quantity of the 'love molecule' in their blood had fallen to the same level as that of the other groups.

The Italian researchers, publishing their study in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology, said it was not clear how falling in love triggers higher levels of NGF, but the molecule clearly has an important role in the "social chemistry" between people at the start of a relationship.

**** Dave's Thoughts ****

So, what do you do once you fall out of love?  Get divorced?  Nearly 60% of couples married less than five years will do so, so don't be too hasty to say no.  The important "take-away" is that ALL of us fall out of love, especially since we've known for quite some time that there's a strong chemical connection to falling in love.  What goes up, must come down… even chemical spikes.  But, there's a way to build love into a relationship that takes you to higher and higher levels of intimacy and actually renews that "falling in love feeling."  Call me for a complimentary couples coaching session to find out more.

~~  Dave, The Couples Coach

Until one is committed...

Here is a creed I live by.  I have it posted in my office and read it several times each week.  Don’t read it just once.  Read it several times.  Copy and paste it into a document.  Print it off and put it somewhere where you’ll run across it A LOT!  It’ll help you get to where you want to be in life.  It’s helped me.  I’ve used this little philosophy to help hundreds, if not thousands now with 17 years in the personal growth field.  Enjoy!

"Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no person could have dreamt would have come their way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: ‘Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.’"
W.H. Murray, The Scottish Himalayan Expedition 1951

The Pack

A friend passed this along to me just the other day. I loved it and wanted you to see it. In case you cannot read the text below the picture, it's by Rudyard Kipling and says:

"The strength of the wolf is in the pack
and the strength of the pack
is in the wolf"

In a divided world, even in our jobs, families and local communities, this struck me as propthetic. Independence is a nice thing, but when we boil it all down, essentially we're all here to be seen, accepted and loved. How can we do that without one another?

The Fox and The Sparrow

A sparrow was caught unsheltered in a blizzard. Beaten and frozen by the storm, the little bird fell to the ground, nearly dead.

After the storm, a farmer driving his cows through the field spotted the sparrow on the ground. The kindly farmer picked the bird up, pressed its frozen little body deep into a fresh, steaming cowpie, and continued on his way.

The moist heat of the cowpie soon revived the little bird who, in her joy at finding herself alive and warm, burst into song. A fox hunting nearby heard the sparrow singing, and, following the sound, found the sparrow, snatched her up from the cowpie, and ate her in one bite.
The moral of this story:

1. Every now and then you may find yourself in a world of crap, but the one who put you there is not necessarily an enemy, and the one who takes you out is not necessarily a friend.

The Power of Lasting Change or Progress

How To Have Integrity and Accountability

Guest House

Guest House - Rumi
"This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the sham, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond."

The Perfection of Imperfection

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on one end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."

"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?" "I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.


The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

5 Steps For Coaching Your Children

5 Steps For Coaching Your Children

1. Be Aware Of Your Child’s Emotions


2. Recognize Emotion as Opportunity For Intimacy and Teaching


3. Listen and Validate Your Child’s Feelings


4. Help Your Child Become Aware of And Label Their Own Feelings


5. Set Limits While Empowering Your Children To Solve Their Problems

Why Marriage Matters

<b>WHY MARRIAGE MATTERS</b>

Marriage is one of my top specialties.  I always loom over the latest research.  Prepare yourselves, here comes a powerhouse of information on the vital importance of creating, maintaining or rebuilding your marriage.

<b>Twenty-Six Conclusions from the Social Science Experts</b>

Sixteen of the top scholars on family life have re-issued a joint report on the importance of marriage. First released in 2002, the newly revised edition highlights five new themes in marriage-related research.

Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition: 26 Conclusions from the Social Sciences was produced by a politically diverse and interdisciplinary group of leading family scholars, chaired by W. Bradford Wilcox of the University of Virginia and includes psychologist John Gottman, best selling author of books about marriage and relationships, Linda Waite, coauthor of The Case for Marriage, Norval Glenn and Steven Nock, two of the top family social scientists in the country, William Galston, a Clinton Administration domestic policy advisor, and Judith Wallerstein, author of the national bestseller The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce.

Since 1960, the proportion of children who do not live with their own two parents has risen sharply—from 19.4% to 42.3% in the Nineties. This change has been caused, first, by large increases in divorce, and more recently, by a big jump in single mothers and cohabiting couples who have children but don't marry. For several decades the impact of this dramatic change in family structure has been the subject of vigorous debate among scholars. No longer. These 26 findings are now widely agreed upon.


<b>Five New Themes</b>

In addition to reviewing research on family topics covered in the first edition of the report, Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition highlights five new themes in marriage-related research.

<ol>
  <li>Even though marriage has lost ground in the minority communities in recent years, marriage has not lost its value in these communities.</li>
  <li>An emerging line of research indicates that marriage benefits poor Americans, and Americans from disadvantaged backgrounds, even though these Americans are now less likely to get and stay married.</li>
  <li>Marriage seems to be particularly important in civilizing men, turning their attention away from dangerous, antisocial, or self-centered activities and towards the needs of a family.</li>
  <li>Beyond its well-known contributions to adult health, marriage influences the biological functioning of adults and children in ways that can have important social consequences.</li>
  <li>The relationship quality of intimate partners is related to both their marital status and, for married adults, to the degree to which these partners are committed to marriage.</li>
</ol><br>
  
<b>Update Research Findings</b>

Among the research findings summarized by the report are:

<i><b>About Children</b></i>

<ul>
  <li>Parental divorce reduces the likelihood that children will graduate from college, and achieve high-status jobs.</li>
  <li>Children who live with their own two married parents enjoy better physical health, on average, than children in other family forms. The health advantages of married homes remain even after taking into account socioeconomic status.</li>
  <li>Parental divorce approximately doubles the odds that adult children will end up divorced.</li>
</ul><br>
    
<i><b>About Men</b></i>

<ul>
  <li>Married men earn between 10 and 40 percent more than single men with similar education and job histories.</li>
  <li>Married people, especially married men, have longer life expectancies than otherwise similar singles.</li>
  <li> Marriage increases the likelihood fathers will have good relationships with children.  Sixty-five percent of young adults whose parents divorced had poor relationships with their fathers (compared to 29% from non-divorced families).</li>
</ul>
    
<i><b>About Women</b></i>

<ul>
  <li>Divorce and unmarried childbearing significantly increases poverty rates of both mothers and children. Between one-fifth and one-third of divorcing women end up in poverty as a result of divorce.</li>
  <li>Married mothers have lower rates of depression than single or cohabiting mothers.</li>
  <li>Married women appear to have a lower risk of domestic violence than cohabiting or dating women. Even after controlling for race, age, and education, people who live together are still three times more likely to report violent arguments than married people.</li>
</ul>
    
<i><b>About Society</b></i>

<ul>
  <li>Adults who live together but do not marry—cohabitors—are more similar to singles than to married couples in terms of physical health and disability, emotional well-being and mental health, as well as assets and earnings.  Their children more closely resemble the children of single people than the children of married people.</li>
  <li>Marriage appears to reduce the risk that children and adults will be either perpetrators or victims of crime. Single and divorced women are four to five times more likely to be victims of violent crime in any given year than married women. Boys raised in single-parent homes are about twice as likely (and boys raised in stepfamilies three times as likely) to have committed a crime that leads to incarceration by the time they reach their early thirties, even after controlling for factors such as race, mother's education, neighborhood quality and cognitive ability.</li>
</ul>
    
<b>Conclusions
</b><br>

The authors conclude with <b>three fundamental conclusions</b>:

<ol>
  <li>Marriage is an important social good, associated with an impressively broad array of positive outcomes for children and adults alike.</li>
  <li>Marriage is an important public good, associated with a range of economic, health, educational, and safety benefits that help local, state, and federal governments serve the common good.</li>
  <li>The benefits of marriage extend to poor and minority communities, despite the fact that marriage is particularly fragile in these communities.</li>
</ol>
  
You can order your copy of this report for a modest $5

To place your order by telephone, contact:

Institute for American Values<br>
Phone:212.246.3942 USA<br>

Happy Wives, Happier Marriages?

HAPPY WIVES, HAPPIER MARRIAGES

Study suggests joy of marriage may be contagious

A happy wife makes a happy marriage.

So says Mel Prince, a Southern Connecticut State University marketing professor who recently completed a study examining job and life satisfaction among 86 working, married couples.

Wives, Prince's research found, wield more influence than husbands in determining the happiness of a marriage.

It comes as little surprise to some greater Waterbury women -- several of whom already believed they had more bearing on their relationships than men might like to let on.

Prince's advice to women: "Make yourself happy. That will naturally infuse itself to your husband. Happiness radiates in marriage. So does unhappiness."

And by happy, he does not mean just within the relationship, but an overall contentment in life.

It works like this: if a wife is happy, that happiness can have what Prince calls a crossover, or contagion, effect. Yep, husbands can catch happiness.

To Dawn Schuster, who spends most days listening to details of women's --and sometimes men's -- lives as a stylist in her Naugatuck salon, Savoir Hair, Prince's findings seemed right on.

"We kind of organize their lives," the mother of two said, joking of her own other half: "Bill doesn't know where the toilet paper is (stored)." Echoed Diane Wachtel, another stylist: "I think men just seem to go with the flow most of the time."

Both ladies agreed that, based on their observations and interactions with other women, wives' attitudes can have a "huge" difference on a relationship's dynamics.

But before women start relishing their roles as rulers of their households' happiness, Prince cautioned: the balance is only slightly skewed in females' favor. Women's influence on wedded bliss is about 10 percent greater than men's, he estimated.

Of course, there are other factors that can influence a marriage, regardless of how fulfilled, happy or even Pollyanna-ish a woman may be.

"You could have a difficult husband," said Prince, offering financial and health problems as other, sometimes insurmountable obstacles to a joyous union.

Prince hypothesized that women wield this greater influence because they are more in touch with their feelings than men, and better able to articulate and express those feelings.

But at least two women, both of whom had been married for several decades, had different perspectives.

"In our case it's probably equal," said Ruth Braziel, of Naugatuck, pondering who could take credit for the happiness of her 52-year marriage. Then she amended her answer: "It's my husband, because he's the greatest --great sense of humor, great father -- the perfect idea of a husband."

A half-century, five children, 13 grandchildren and two great-grandchildren later, the Braziels still have a regular date night, said Braziel, bragging: "We're really proud of our marriage."

Prince's latest research, which typically encompasses sociology, psychology and advertising, evolved from studies of employees' responses to work environments and job satisfaction.

The study reaffirmed some widely held perceptions, such as the way men are driven by power, pay and status. But women regarded enjoyment of their work and a sense of accomplishment as more satisfying than salary.

Need a Couples Coach to bring the spice back into your relationship?  Coach Dave has been spreading relationship inspiration for 17 years now!

5 Tips for Gettting Your Life Back on Track - After Taking a Wrong Turn

5 Tips for Getting Your Life Back On Track -- After Taking a Wrong Turn

We've all experienced moments in our life when we hear ourselves say "YES" to a job, person or situation we know deep in our heart isn't right for us. And still we do it. As soon as "yes" leaves our lips somewhere in us we hear a voice that screams "NO! Don't do it!" but somehow another part of us kicks in and our mind overrules the wisdom of our body and we find ourselves on a path we never intended.

Sometimes these wrong turns can be detrimental to our wellbeing. They cause stress and put us in danger of losing ourselves indefinitely. Other times we immediately realize our "yes" has led to an "o-oh" and we decide right then and there to go back to the beginning and start again.

Either way, when you find yourself in a sticky situation, only you have the power to declare you took a wrong turn and only you can decide when it's time to get back on track. These tips may help.

Be honest with yourself. Admit, as quickly as possible, you made a choice that led you down the wrong path. Nothing will change until you personally acknowledge the decision you made isn't working for you. The sooner, the better. Be willing to take 100% responsibility for the choices you make for your life.

Plan an exit strategy. Once you've admitted to yourself you're on the wrong path, decide how you're going to get back on track. In some situations it may be necessary for you to stop what you're doing immediately. Most of the time, a fast exit may lead to even more stress and poor decision making. Take the time you need to get very clear on what it is you do want, and get back on track one step at a time.

Be gentle with yourself. Beating yourself up will only damage your self esteem. Realize everyone takes wrong turns -- even the most successful individuals take several wrong turns before getting it right. Remember, life is ten percent how we make it and ninety percent how we take it.

Look for the lesson. There are no mistakes and there's always a lesson to be learned -- and even a blessing. What did taking a wrong turn teach you about yourself? Do you need to listen to your gut more and others less? Do you need to finally listen to your heart and follow its calling? Do you need to value yourself more? Do you need to redefine what success means to you?

Do better next time. Life is full of second chances. Be willing to take them! Let go of the past and commit to do whatever it takes to get back on the right track. The wisdom you've gained from taking a wrong turn will help you do better next time.

There's only one way to live life on your right track. Listen to your heart. It holds the secret to your happiness and the key to your success.

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Cari Vollmer is the creative founder of LifeOnTrack.com.
LifeOnTrack.com's inspirational e-zine, LivingOnTrack,
offers practical success tools, tips and strategies for
getting and keeping your life on track.  Sign up at
http://www.LifeOnTrack.com

Heart & Soul of New Orleans

The Heart and Soul of New Orleans

Being from New Orleans, its topography was something we were always aware of. We knew we were unique. We were surrounded by water with the lake was to the north and the river to the south. Levees surrounded the city to keep the water back as we were below sea level. We always knew that the big one could come and wash us away at anytime. We had so many near misses.  We really thought it could never happen.

As I watched the news from my home in Florida, I knew that New Orleans would be spared. As Katrina threatened New Orleans, I got the feeling that somehow it would work out. At the last minute, the hurricane moved to the east and was heading straight for Mississippi. Ah, New Orleans was being spared again.  It seemed like everything would be fine until we got word that the levees had broken. Oh no, the worst was going to happen.

The levees broke. Those tall, grassy, man-made things that looked like mountains.  I have fond memories of my mom taking my then son there. He loved to run up and down the grassy hills. How could these friendly memorable things cause so much damage? It just wasn’t possible.

I cried as I watched the city that I loved become victim to the treacherous waters from the lake. I watched as my hometown was being destroyed. It was painful. I watched as my city was portrayed as evil and dirty. This is not the city I know and love. Please someone, understand that it is not really that way.

I grew up in New Orleans and spent most of my life there. I moved to Florida in 1987. Its true that you don’t realize what you are missing until it is gone. Until now, I could always go home. It is heart breaking to come to the realization that New Orleans is not what it was and may never be. Besides the place itself, the people in my life are all disbursed.  My mother and stepfather evacuated before the hurricane and are now in California. Their home was totally destroyed by floodwaters. I used to stay there when I used to go home.  Although I never grew up in that house, it became a safe haven for me where family and friends would always meet. My relatives are now in various states. All the friends I meant to call are probably gone just like the wind.

As I spoke to others about the impact of what happened, I quickly realized that there was a lack of understanding of what it really meant to have this city virtually destroyed. As I reflected on what it meant to be from New Orleans, I realized being a New Orleanean is more than being from just a place.  There is a uniqueness that is in my blood. It is a part of my heart and soul. I had a circle of family and life long friends in New Orleans.  Besides roots, I have a history there. My father is buried there as is my grandfather and his father before that. Multitudes of my relatives are buried in cemeteries in uptown New Orleans. I am concerned even that has ceased to exist.


Being a New Orleanean is a state of mind. It is a way of life for me and it has shaped the person I have become. It is a feeling and not just a place. It had a sense of community and special culture including its own traditions, music and food. Hardly a New Years Eve goes by that I do not make a big pot of gumbo to share with my friends in South Florida. The food of New Orleans has a refinement all its own. Just like black-eyed peas on New Year’s, the food related New Orleans traditions are strong and are part of my life.

The music of New Orleans is really quite special. There are so many songs written about the crescent city. It ranks high in the number of cities most often sung about. Songs often refer to it as “the city where dreams come true.”  One song asks, “Do You Know What it Means to Miss New Orleans?” It was always one of my requests as it was always something I felt deep in my heart. I knew what it meant to miss New Orleans when I left in 1987 and now I know even more so. I am mourning not only the loss of lives, homes and livelihood, but also a loss of my hometown.

Recently, I created my own CD of New Orleans songs. I titled it “New Orleans Memories.” The music, the memories and the traditions that were New Orleans can never be taken away. The memories are burned in me just like the songs are burned on my CD. The memories will never die. They will live on through the music, the food and through people like me. They are a part of my heart and soul and where ever I live now, my life is immensely enriched as a result of having my roots in this wonderful city. I sincerely hope and pray that all those hurt by Hurricane Katrina will find peace, prosperity, and safety in weeks, months and years to come.


Leslie Ressler
All Rights Reserved

10 Actions For An Inspired Life!

10 Actions For An Inspired Life!

1. Wake up on the right side of the bed.  Set your mind immediately upon awakening by choosing a sacred image or thought to focus on while breathing slowly and stretching in bed.


2. Catch negative thinking and immediately say “Cancel that thought” to yourself.  Choose an appropriate alternative thought and state it in your mind and out loud if possible.


3. Look at life hiccups as life lessons.  Ask yourself, “What is it I’m supposed to learn here?


4. Accept distractions.  Stop being so hard on yourself.  Simply acknowledge that you’ve been distracted and refocus on your current project.


5. Celebrate the goodness in those around you.  It seems easy to rehearse negative attributes.  Challenge yourself to see the good qualities of those around you, especially those who challenge you the most.


6. Want to remain calm in tense situations?  Focus on your physiology.  Know exactly how you become upset, what happens in your body and respond immediately with slow breathing and the slow blinking of your eyes to calm the central nervous system.


7. Project fullness of health and high energy – using your visual imagination is great to use here.


8. Have faith in a positive outcome.  Expect it.  Call it to you.


9. Find a mentor.  In a world culture of ‘individualism’ break the rules and find someone to help you grow.  Then turn around and offer this gift to another.


10. If you want to feel more optimistic, choose to surround yourself with those who already live optimism as a way of life.

~ Dave Turo-Shields

Surprise! I have just finished putting together an ebook of inspirational quotes just for you. Download it or read it online. Pass it along to all your friends. They'll appreciate it. Enjoy it and may you Live Inspired!

Everyone's ADHD In Our Culture Today!

Everyone’s ADHD these days!  No, I don’t mean it in a literal way.  However, I have been witness to individuals who, at one point, were some of the best multi-taskers I’ve ever known.  Here’s what I’ve observed.  Life continues to quicken its pace.  If we don’t take consistent time reevaluating and setting priorities, life begins to drive us like mindless cattle.  Soon, instead of enjoying what you’ve planned in your life, life’s driving you.  You become a living reactor, bouncing like a pinball from one distraction to the next.  That’s called living “reactively” not proactively.  So, if you’re not ADHD now, stick around for a while and our culture will sure make one of you if you allow it.  One of greatest benefits of life coaching is the process helps you slow down, so that the speed of your life is designed by YOU.  It’s amazing; a little focus can go a long way.

No Pain No Gain?

The name of my brick and mortar business is called Kenosis Counseling & Coaching Center, Inc.  Kenosis is ancient Greek for being emptied out, which is different than being empty.  In order to be emptied out we need to enter into our pain, enter into our being stuck, and enter into the darkness that has become the Gremlins that block our happiness and success in life.  What I say is sounds foolish, even counter-culture.  You have a pain.  What do you do?  You pop a Tylenol, right?  That’s immediate gratification.  What if your pain is telling you something very important?  I had a friend once who was on a high level of pain medication for arthritis issues.  One day he collapsed.  His spleen had burst.  He nearly died in those next two days.  The pain medication blocked his brain from receiving the signals his nervous system was sending.  We reflected on it later.  It was an odd yet powerful learning experience for him.  Avoiding emotional and spiritual pain is like holding a finger in the leaky dam.  Pain is a powerful teacher and motivator for transformation.  I don’t support masochistic approaches to pain.  I only respect it for the value it can bring in your life.  Pain tells us that something is not right and needs our attention.  Let me end this blog entry with a few inspiring quotes on pain:

“Suffering is the badge of the human race.”
          ~~ Mahatma Gandhi


“And I wondered, I wondered and wondered why.  Why did God make a world where everybody’s heart is in pain?... you know what I figured out?  The answer.  I mean, I think I did.  You know why it’s like that?  So we need each other… It’s so we stick with each other, do for each other, and build up the world.  Because misery does love company, and another soul’s comfort is the only balm for the wounds.”
          ~~ Scott Turow from Personal Injuries


“Pain helps us to understand other people in pain… A healthy experience of letting pain be pain is always a schooling in compassion.  For when a person has suffered deeply even once and ha owned that suffering, that person can never forget and never fail to recognize the pain of others.”
          ~~Matthew Fox from Original Blessing


A good life coach has courage, knows the experience of entering into pain and can lead the way.  When you will experience Kenosis?

Dave Turo-Shields
Certified Empowerment Coach